How to Deal with Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People

Update: Five Years and i’m still Dealing with Cunning Deceitful Manipulative People http://ammarmango.com/2017/05/07/still-dealing-with-cunning-deceitful-manipulative-people/

More advice on this in my website http://www.ammarmango.com
How to deal with cunning deceitful manipulators and see through their lies and indirect evil ploys to get what they want regardless of ethics and professionalism. Lying, deceipt, backstabbing comes natural to these smart yet dangerous individuals who do all that and try to appear harmless, cordial and friendly.

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An organizational Consultant & Coach.

Ammar W. Mango, PPM, CSSBB, PgMP, PMP is a Performance Hacker; he helps organizations and individuals improve competitiveness and boost performance.
With a passion to help clients breakthrough and transform into higher levels of performance, Mr. Mango uses practical solutions, based on the latest cutting edge global best practices and technology.

His strong experience in Organizational Development included consulting and coaching for Fortune 100 companies worldwide. Ford Motor, Detroit Edison, and Fermi II Nuclear Plants are among clients Mr. Mango served while in the USA from 1988-2000. He also provided training and consulting to global leaders like Unilever, Saudi Telecom, Zain, Orange, United Nations, in addition to many small and medium businesses and NGOs.
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47 Comments

  • Poison Pumpkin

    Every time my manipulator does or says something bad, I bring it up, I let them know I am not stupid or weak to fall for the bs. It works for a little while but you know, they never learn and they get off on breaking you so they continue doing what they do. oh my god and the MIND GAMES they're so tiering and it's impossible to win an argument with them, they switch everything around and make YOU seem like you're in the wrong. It's so draining and I usually just respond with a few harmless words during an argument and then stay quiet, otherwise i become insane and they're like "See, this is why things don't work out between us!" "Look at you, I can't stand your shit" They just looove playing the victim, don't they?
    ugh!

  • Sezzy Says

    I deal with someone on an almost daily basis….. I actually think she is a boarderline narcissist. Her and I both coach the same sport. I went to World Champs & many international comps in my country rep team, trained oversea with many top coaches and won many titles. The other person had not. She tries to steal my students my talking shit to their parents about me! I think she is threatened / intimidated. I am sick of it – she tries to befriend all the parents and then manipulate them into 'what a terrible person I am'. I keep a professional relationship with the parents because I need to be able to have tough conversations at times – we are not friends. My relationship is with my students – that is all that matters to me. So, the parents fall all over her thinking she is this amazing person because they are 'best friends' – where she talks shit about me every day to them. Where I focus on the students and am not there to spend my time speaking with parents. I am getting more and more angry with this person – I don't understand how these parents can no see what a liar she is, and that she is manipulating them! It's crazy to me. Help!!! To add: she will pretend to be my friend to my face. However, she says some horrible things about those parents to me! There's always drama in her life, and I found she tried to pull me into it – until I backed away from a 'friendship' with her. I wish these parents could hear what she says about them!! I hope one day she gets caught out. I have called her out before – but she tried to blame everyone else but owning up to it. Because I have good relationships with my students – she then complains to the parents that I am trying to sabotage her relationship with some of the students!? Wtf! I don't even think or care about her, I am concerning myself with coaching my own students & ensuring we have a great relationship. Why can't she stop moaning about that to the students (yes, she said that to a 15yr old we both coach for differing disciplines – that I was trying to ruin her relationship with the 15yr old.)! What kind of professional coach would even think that, let alone say anything like that to a 15yr old! If you are not happy with the relationship you have with your 15yr old student – then fix it! Don't blame someone else. She is so immature. It is just really hard 'being the better person' and leaving it be.

  • t4705mb6

    13:21
    This was great until we got to your cult "beliefs" and your proselytizing — which I believe I was very cunningly manipulated into.
    Okay, which of the thousands upon thousands of totally imaginary "gods" should I be talking to? You cultists have so many I never know which spook you're referring to. Asclepius.? Urania?
    Oh, well, I'm sure you know that claiming a giant pink rabbit sits at the controls of the cosmos absolutely shreds any credibility you have with anyone with an IQ higher than room temperature?

  • William Billups

    know this for a fact, they wait in prey for you in all of the churches and they will come up to you and say pleased to meet you brother etc and invite you to their lair right away and it will be a cock roach infested mess usually and they will soon find what you have that they want from you a ride to the cult or multiple free you pay taco bell dinners that they hinted at a half hour earlier and tell you they are a great profit. what they are is a parasite piece of shit that will not rest til you are destroyed. tell them jesus told you to tell them to go fuck themselves and they better take your phone number them scamed from you and tell them Lucifer told you to possible exterminate them in the name of the lord of course must be biblical here simpletons. And get the hell away from the maggots…m.m.

  • Forum P

    I am also dealing with a CDM right now where he tries to control my mind every time I come on WhatsApp. I am tired dealing with this psycho from last 4 years. The above video is informative and one day I will surely get rid of this psycho

  • anna s

    Thanks for this video !! It comes in the right moment for me 🙂 …I got into a relationship for a few month with such a kind of person and am just about finding my emotional & physical way out of it…

  • D M R

    Thank you! There are two people like this at my work place. They have teamed up to make the workplace toxic. They spend much if their time trying to manipulate my boss into giving them what they want.

  • Dizzy Dwarfette

    I worked in a restaurant for 19 months, my bar supervisor and assistant manager were like a little tag team duo trying to get people sacked or just bullying them. The land lady (Boss) did not see this side of them both so I started secretly recording them, soon as I got enough recordings and pictures of how they were leaving the place looking tacky and nasty looking. I ended up leaving because I could not tolerate them longer than I already have tolerated them and on my last day I confronted them both and gave the recordings and pictures to the land lady (Boss) they both got demoted and given written warnings… Damn it felt so fucking great!

  • Danny Burch

    Very true I've known someone like this for 30 years after she tried to get me to take her out of state but new the way she was….I blew her off she found someone else. ofcorse she was saying how much she loved me .I actually feel bad for the outher guy .what a fool

  • Giovanni Mounir

    Yeah, we got a lot of them at work & college.. as a nice looking guy they find me as an easy victim as if I don't have a proper experience with people like them, some of them clarify their inner sick needs in a good manner to me, they don't even dare to clarify them in front of other people, If you are a leader.. DON'T give them positions that control your fellows, they will destroy them & you, and always appear as an innocent lamb, they will change your good visions into black ones, if you told them to take the attendance to appreciate those who attended, they will show you as a manipulative person who gonna punish the absent ones.

  • Kit Kat 0085

    This video is the most helpful support I have found for dealing with controlling deceiving and manipulative people.

    The one I have dealt with is a narcissist and unfortunately it is my own sister. It has gotten to the point where I have to be concerned about her stalking me and whatever dangers come along with that. I have made decisions that have protected my family which involve cutting her 100% out of my life, but she still makes attemps every few weeks to contact me.

    I made my intention for separation clear almost a year ago and she is still trying. She doesn't know that I listen to her messages because I do not respond, reply or react in any way. I blocked her a very long time ago from being able to call me. I didn't realize my phone was still recording messages from her until I saw that I had a "blocked messages" mailbox. There were 19 completely bizarre messages from her in it and they range from hateful angry threatening to tearful begging crying pretentious drama.

    It was pretty scary to find all those messages from her knowing she has been leaving them all along and realizing that they have escalated over time. I am at the point where I am not sure whether or not to get a restraining order just in case she one day flips. I definitely don't feel safe, but I want to be careful not to overreact. It would be horrible to put anything on her record if she has no intentions of crossing that type of line. It's very hard to tell.

    She has not made physical threats unless you count that she has said she will never give up and she will continue contacting me until our relationship is as she sees fit.

    I always wonder if she's going to pull up to my house any day or walk up on me when I am outside in my yard.

    Last night for the first time I had a bad dream about her which is what made me go searching for these support videos today. I dreamed that she had found a way to turn my entire family against me and found a way to make them all believe lies that I never even knew she told. In my dream I just suddenly realize that the whole family felt sorry for her and were very angry at me.

    In reality she really has invaded a few of my personal relationships with my family. The proof is that she had no relationship with certain these loved ones of mine at all until after I made the decision to cut her out of our lives. Then she found their number and begin calling them constantly until they built a relationship. I am not one to talk about others faults so I never let my loved ones know about what was happening between she and I and they thought she was initially just calling be friendly. Before I knew it they were asking me questions of why I was upset with her.

    One last note is that she moved to my state about 15 years ago. I hardly knew her because of an age gap. I am about 14 yrs younger. Within about a year I could tell I was dealing with a very emotionally unstable person but I wanted to love her and develop a relationship with her as sisters. That became more more difficult over time and I had two other occasions where I had to separate from her in order to gather my wits. She's very intelligent.

    I let her know that I needed time away but I would call her as soon as I was ready to see if she was still interested in a relationship. I took a year break one time and hoped that she would be more respectful and she was a bit more but as time went by, eventually the day would come where she would call me with a plethora of accusations or she would want me to support her regarding an argument she had with someone else in the family and if I did not want to be involved, I became the enemy.… Etc. etc. There's always some reason for her to be the victim.

    Anyways I did separate from her a couple times and it never worked. So to avoid the insanity of doing the same thing over and over , yet expecting different results I made the decision this time for the separation to be permanent and she is not liking it.

    We are both Christians and she claims to be a very strong believer while accusing me of not being a true believer in not forgiving het but that is not true. I forgave her a long time ago but I do not have to tolerate her behaviors or put my family at risk so… That is my story. I'm sure I'm not alone and that there are others who have to deal with these type of family members.

    All we can do is love them through praying for them. We have to protect our well-being and our families well-being.

    God knows my heart and He knows that I am open and want to obey anything He ever wants me to do but He also knows that I need clear direction and right now the only thing I feel when I pray is that God wants me to be still and know that He is God and He will handle the situation. For now I need not do anything except pray.

    God bless you all and may He bless you for making efforts to handle people who are mentally ill with love, compassion, and wisdom.

  • Rebecca Illig

    I have just spent ten days with my sister in law, whom is a CDM. She is so good at convincing everyone she is thinking of me. Always announcing she picked the restaurant or the day's outing because she thought I would enjoy it. And then when no one else is around she is evil to me. Plain in my face cruel and nasty. She has my husband, her brother convinced she really likes and respects me. We have had many "talks" with witnesses around that make me look like I misunderstood her. You are so correct in your statement "you can't change these people". 17 years of these games. I have done my best to stay out of her space this vacation. But she has still enjoyed finding ways to hurt me and make a fool out of me in front of my children. Thank you for this video.

  • Jesse James

    Wow this is so good!!! My husband & his mother are the people in my life like this. His mom actually tried to hurt me by posting tons of pictures of her & mom on social media, not a week after my mom passed away from cancer. I told my husband I refuse to speak or host his mother in our home again. He started the, "but she's my mother speech." To which I said, "if you want me to be around someone that horrid, I cannot trust you either. My mind is made up, please respect my decision."

  • N. O.

    Thank you for this video. I handed in my notice a few days ago as the two managers in my team are CDM's and as part of my role I had to work closely with them but I couldn't deal with their nonsense anymore…. This video is clarification that I was right all along in what I was going through

  • mdmmalou

    I hear you very well… thanks for posting your video.
    Who can help me … or has a good tip? I was co-dependent, I did not recognize any boundaries in myself, could't say NO, always an empath but often at expense of myself. In recent years I have worked a lot on my lack of self-confidence (and still I do because this will perhaps always be important for me) In the meantime I see other people so much better, and from my authentic observation. I feel intuitively pretty good to whom I am facing now. On one side this is great and a blessing and I am happy with it, but on the other hand it gives new challenges (problems) I have an old (girl)friend from my study time. I am now 61 years old, so just count 😉 We were friends, had children at the same time went on holidays together, made music together, lots of parties BUT … now that she gets older I notice more and more gossips about others, and me. Even in the presence of her friends that I am in. Or she talks about my ex and his new girlfriend, to lure me an emotion. In short: she constantly pulls me down lately in a negative way. I am growing happy and I'me aware of this growth. It seems that she is jealous of me changing, I dont know, but it feels off since I feel different..
    I told her that in this way she damages my trust, by talking about me… And now it is a big drama for her. She e-mailed me that she'd talked to a good friend about it … And let me know what her friend's opinion was..huh? That read, it felt like a treath to me for her own supply .. Actually quite intimidating ..
    So I am at a very very complicated crossroad now: A friendship of deccenia to end, or not? It doesn't feel good anymore, because when a best friend is trying to get me down being with her friends and talking with her freinds about me , than I feel betrayed by her. But I also find it very difficult to let her go. We have known each other for so long. Honestly, I dare not let her go, it gets drama, I know now…. Who gives me a push! And how do you say – after so many many years- that you can't longer be friends, how do you say this respectfully? Growing is beautiful, but it hurts a lot too, if your best friend from the past does not like it…
    I like all comments.. Thanks PEACE!

  • carbon1479

    They also often start with humor, to get you off your guard and unless you really get honest vibes off someone you should be wary of the stranger or distance acquaintance whose being too invasive or driven in trying to make you laugh – unfortunately I think it's often akin to a victim interview. Also yeah, I think narcissistic personality disorder, psychopaths, you see these strategies in common often.